Okay I only read this in fragments before, that is why I didn’t contribute.
Also truth is unfortunately I see a lot of similarities between our wives. So I don’t like to read it too much because I kind of see myself back then when, and I had for the longest time deep anger towards that version of me, now dead.
That’s not meaning anything bad towards you buddy, I feel a lot of sympathy. It just hits a bit too close to home to feel comfortable, so when I answer you I have to take a dip in that dark bottomless hole 🕳 I spent half my life trying to climb out from.
No big deal anymore, I can dive and hop out no sweat today, but the memories of it all still make it feel more uneasy than other betrayals stories. It was bad so I feel it all when I see you describing your fall.
You are bleeding pain.
I can tell you this. One of My wayward AP used her to do amateur porn compilation, along with prostitutes.
She was probably the cheapest of the bunch because he didn’t even have to pay her. Immortalized forever in the greasiest corners of the internet, fucking an obese ugly rat for the world to see.
I can tell the prostitutes in her video have more self respect than my wife had back then.
i do respect those prostitutes more than her back then.
Does this make it a prostitute? Does it make it less than one?
No it doesn’t. It does make her different. A cheater, a girl who had it all , something that most dream for life, and she choose to drawn it in the sludge.
This was her burning desire that trumped everything. The prostitutes got money, she got a sterilizing STD.
That’s the only thing she probably truly shared with me. 
(And thanks god is cured at last)
So I kind of get exactly what you feel man.
I wish you would never actually have to watch your wayward having sex with one of her affair partners. Well I don’t wish that to anyone really.
You can figure how it feels 
And I know there’s actually no help I can truly offer you besides a simple "hey I hear you! I know how it feels ".
Sometimes just not feeling totally alone might be good enough to breathe a bit better.
I can only tell you that you will see the end of it. You are climbing on sword tips and bleeding. It will pass. Don’t try to imagine what outcome will get you out first, D or R. It doesn’t really matter.
It will pass and will be clear skies ahead
